HOW I STAY POSITIVE WHEN THE WORLD FEELS TOO HEAVY

This is not the post I was going to write this week. I wanted this week’s post to be an ESCAPE from the dumpster fire that the world is right now, not me walking you right through it, asking you to take a look around. But the world feels heavy and I want to share how I stay positive when the world feels too heavy.

Blog writers are encouraged to write “evergreen” content, meaning write about things that will always be relevant. Don’t make it too timely because you want your writing to hold up in a few years and still be applicable. So I avoided this. But, this is our life right now and we are struggling. Chaos and Coffee is a community where we can freely admit, talk about, and exchange ideas with others, about that struggle.

parenting is hard right now

Parenting, in the history of the world, has never been easy. I’m sure every generation has unique things that made their parenting harder than the last but can we just agree that whoever is parenting right now has it the hardest? Can we just declare ourselves the winners in the worst contest ever?

A global pandemic.

Remote learning.

Social and racial unrest.

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Start small when things feel heavy

I often have thoughts that I’m not doing enough. Enough FOR the world and also out IN it. I also have the thoughts that I’m not doing enough for the world inside the walls of my own home. Am I talking about race enough? Are we doing enough diverse activities? Can we do more to nurture gratitude? I get caught up in thinking that if I can’t donate a significant amount of money to an organization it won’t make a difference or thinking that volunteering is only for social justice warriors. Not moms like me.

Does any of it matter? It has to. The world isn’t just made up of big cities and people with large online platforms or important jobs. Change and positivity will start wherever you are, in the most ordinary of places. We just have to pay attention.

I have been reading the book, The Ministry of Ordinary Places by Shannan Martin, and in it, she talks about how we need to pay attention to the world we’re in now, how we can make our little section of the world more joyful. She reminds us that extraordinary love in ordinary moments can indeed lead to an extraordinary life.

Sometimes we get so hung up on doing something great, we forget the best thing is often the smallest.

-Shannan Martin

The world feels heavy right now. Motherhood feels heavy. Solutions feel too complicated and too “big” for us to manage. I don’t want to downplay anything right now because of course, paying for the person’s drink behind you in Starbucks is not going to fix the systemic racism in the United States. But I am going to give you some practical tips for how to start seeing the good in the world, some suggestions on how we can be mindful about bringing about joy to our little section of the world, and yeah, paying for someone’s Starbucks is a real start.

When motherhood feels too heavy

We’ve been with our kids for 800 days in a row now and there have been too many arguments about 4th-grade homework. I don’t know what’s for dinner, and does it even matter because they won’t eat it anyway and I could just scream from the HEAVINESS of it all.

My motto is “What HAS to get done?” I say that to my 4th grader about homework, and that simplifies the process for us. We don’t get everything finished but we get what HAS to be done and that’s enough.

Same with dinner. They HAVE to eat, but there’s no rule about WHAT. We do what I lovingly refer to as “fend for yourself” dinners on the regular, which is basically eating whatever you want that you can get yourself. Cereal is a big hit around here, for kids and grown-ups alike. You can use this strategy for almost anything that is making life too heavy right now. I should probably do some laundry so we have clean underwear this week but I can leave the vacuuming and the dishes. Sorting things into what HAS to get done makes my load feel less heavy.

when work feels too heavy

Author Nora Roberts did a Q & A once where she was asked about how she juggles work and family, and she had the absolute best metaphor. She said she’s constantly juggling a lot of balls, some of the balls in the air are glass and some are plastic. You have to know which ones you can’t drop. Sometimes your balls will be “deadline on the project” and “crazy hair day at school.” Other times your balls will be other things like “dance recital” and “reply to work emails” and so on. Know which balls are glass and will shatter if dropped, and which ones are plastic and will bounce. Sometimes to catch a work glass ball, you have to drop a family plastic ball. And the reverse is true sometimes too.

We all drop a lot of balls, luckily they’re usually plastic and they bounced up so we could catch them again.

When the world feels too heavy

JUST DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING. AND REPEAT INDEFINITELY.

JOHN PASSARO

It can be easy to get caught up in thinking you’re just 1 person you can’t make a difference. THE WORLD IS TOO BIG. THE WORLD IS TOO HEAVY. I am guilty of this! We won’t put an end to poverty by next week, but writer John Passaro says “Just do the next right thing. And repeat indefinitely”

Pay for that Starbucks.

Make small talk.

Check in on a friend.

Give compliments freely.

Play with your kids.

So, as good as it sounds sometimes, we can’t just hide under our covers. We will see all the good if we pay attention to it. I saw on Facebook a mom in a local group asked if anyone would mind braving the cold on her son’s birthday to meet at a park. Her son is autistic and doesn’t have any friends, and he just wanted to play at the park on his birthday. I saw more than 20 people respond to that post. My son held the door open at the gym the other day for a stranger and I didn’t even ask him to. Little moments that filled my heart that I could have missed if I wasn’t paying attention. There is good.

[CHECK OUT RELATED BLOG POSTS Sometimes You Will Have a Parenting Fail and Finding Your Purpose in Your Passion ]

This week, I want you to embrace your smallness in this big world and make a difference in the lives of people you know, in your little section of the world. Then I want to hear all about it!