I Wish My Kids Played Sports

Do I want my kids to be happy? Absolutely. I want them to be able to relax after a day of school and from being ‘on’ all day. I want them to follow their passions whether that’s singing, reading, writing, or something else. Do I wish they played sports though and that’s what made them happy? So much.

kids Sports As Community

I had the best time the one summer my kid played baseball. We spent many evenings, drink in hand, with this instant community of baseball parents. I was thrown together with a dozen other people and we had this one thing in common.

That summer my son made 12 new friends. These boys wanted to hang out on and off the field. There were pool parties and play dates where the adults chatted while the kids ran around. Even well-adjusted adults crave that connection and sense of belonging, and I felt a feeling of deep contentment and pride in those moments.

The kids Sports Pressure

There is such pressure put on kids to play sports, and that’s because of the pressure put on the parents to put their kids in sports. It gets competitive so early that if my children wanted to start a new sport right now, they actually couldn’t. At 12, my oldest is too old to start over. If she started basketball right now, she would be too far behind these kids that have been playing in tournaments all over the state since they were 10, when travel basketball starts. So basically we’re saying ‘Yes we want you to try new things and new activities but please have it all figured out by the time you’re in second grade, thanks. Oh and by the way, this is your only hobby now. It’s 5 days a week and costs more than your car payment.’

Then there’s the pressure from social media. You compare yourself and your kids (even though you know better!) and think because they’re busier, they’re better. In the hustle culture that we’re in, they are killing it. You have the people complaining, aka lowkey bragging, about all the activities they’re in. I’m sitting here thinking wait, you already had a hockey game and then a track meet, and now you’re going to a birthday party. Wow. We went on a bike ride and played some Uno and I’m calling it a day.

It’s easy to get into that frame of mind, should my kid be playing sports? Should I sign them up even if they don’t want to? You know to get to be good teammates and everything? Despite my common sense, I worry that my kids are destined to be friendless, overweight, and socially awkward if they’re not involved in a team sport.

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Where does this come from

I think it kills me a little because my kids (ok, not all of them, but definitely at least one) are actually very athletic. Growing up I always wanted to be that talented, but no amount of drills was going to get me into the WNBA. I see my kids picking something up so effortlessly and it baffles me how they take this for granted. If I could have swam laps around people or made a 3-point shot, I would have been signing up for every team I could.

Parents are always trying to swing the pendulum, to give their kids a better (or maybe just different) childhood than they had. If your family didn’t have the income to sign you up for sports and you do now, that’s a great feeling. If you were left out as a child or picked on but now your kid is so effortlessly cool, you stand back and support them and watch them in awe. We want our kids to be better versions of ourselves.

Getting Rid Of “Supposed To” and “Should”

I’m learning to be quiet. I simply ask them when the registration email comes and if they say no, I am quiet. I don’t want them to play a sport just because I want them to. That seems like a surefire way to get therapy started. Just as I would never want to control their future careers, their friendships, or their sexual orientation, I am trying not to control their hobbies. They are their own people with their own dislikes. My time for the spotlight has ended. We’re going to focus on what they are passionate about this summer. That might just be popsicles and the public pool, and that’s just fine with me.

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