Finding Your purpose in your passion

Well-meaning people have started asking me what I’m going to do now that all my kids were all in school. Um, what? Being a stay at home mom WAS my plan, I didn’t know I was expected to have TWO PLANS. I need another plan now?! If you’re feeling like this too: a little lost now that your babies are growing up, we can find you a new purpose in your passion- a SECOND plan.

I needed a hobby. I always knew I was going to be a stay-at-home mom, but they’re older now and I don’t have to constantly follow them around making sure to keep them alive. I’m busy for sure, but I did have a lot less to do. I was getting bored. I found myself getting bitter at my family for having to clean up the same messes, getting snacks for little people who are perfectly capable of opening their own damn granola bar. I felt stuck in a cycle of cleaning and Netflix and it was making me feel unfulfilled and purposeless.

Try new things

Desperate for a hobby, I started asking everyone for their suggestions. I wanted to know what everyone else did in their free time to give some ideas. I tried being crafty-making things. I am not patient enough for this and I would rather buy my holiday decorations thank you very much.

You wouldn’t believe the number of people who told me exercise was their hobby, particularly running. It became quickly evident I am not a runner, I am barely even a walker, and I will not be talking to any of these horrible people ever again. I like reading so I thought I could turn that into a hobby. I could get really educated on all kinds of current events and be so knowledgeable. Well, turns out I only like to read murder mysteries or any book by Glennon Doyle, so I wasn’t going to be so knowledgeable and worldly after all.

What do you love

This is when I felt really lame, getting out a pen and paper just to figure out a hobby I could do. I wrote down all the things I loved. Dogs, kids, my family, Netflix. Oh look, I’m supremely qualified to be doing exactly what it is I’ve been doing. Nope, this isn’t going to work.

What is your passion

The list on WHAT I liked was a bust. That’s not going to help me find a passion, that is just a list of things I love. I looked to my friends and my social media as a guide. Is there a common thread here? I asked my friends what they love about me. Maybe I could explore those qualities. I looked to my social media for clues. Do I always post about one particular topic? I could lean into that and run with it.

Overwhelmingly, what I was realizing is that people loved how real I was about the struggle of parenting. That’s what all my friends were saying to me and that is what always got the most response on social media. That is my passion. I remember the exact moment I realized I was going to be real about parenting.

You know how much I love my ECFE classes. Seriously, find one. Take one. Make the best friends.

finding purpose in my passion

I was in a class when my oldest was probably around 11 months, maybe even a year, something like that. It was that age where they start being into absolutely everything and it’s exhausting. It’s an exciting age because they’re finding their voice and they start doing funny things, but you don’t get anything done because you’re constantly making sure they don’t kill themselves. At the end of the day you have a messy house and somehow didn’t have time to shower or make dinner, but if anyone asks you what you did all day, you would seriously not have an answer. She was whatever age that is.

It was time for parent discussion while the toddlers crawled or walked around being occupied by the most patient amazing aides. They’re trying bubbles and funny noises just to keep them occupied so we can attempt to have a conversation in the corner. Our parent educator, Michelle, started off with a generic “how is the week going?” and everyone went around and said almost the same thing: something half truthful and entirely too optimistic.

So fun! She just learned to walk so she’s keeping me busy!

Good! He figured out all the child proof locks so he’s been making quite a mess of everything, such a smart boy!

I’m tired but it’s so rewarding. I just love seeing their personality develop.

Then Michelle said something that would change my life forever. “Yes it’s exciting but it really sucks too, right?” IMMEDIATELY the air changed. All these women exhaled. Suddenly we were talking like friends, exchanging horror stories about our little ones and giving tips and tricks to work on whatever phase they were in. In Michelle’s words, we were given permission to admit that this is hard. And we didn’t have to qualify it with “I love it but” No. It’s hard. That’s it. It was magic. I walked out of that class feeling lighter and different and thought about it for a long time. Her words made everyone feel comfortable. She was brave enough to say what we were all thinking and it made everyone feel seen and heard and the real camaraderie and exchanging of ideas, the whole point of these classes, began.

I wanted that magic all the time in every group I was in, and I realized that to get it, you need to be vulnerable, honest, and brave. I decided I was going to be that person. The response I’ve gotten in person, in Facebook messages, in ECFE classes, has been overwhelmingly positive. We all want to feel heard and seen and not shunned when we call our kid a dick.

Cultivating your passion

That is absolutely my passion. I want women to feel heard and seen and reassured that they are amazing and they’re kicking motherhood’s ass. That’s how I decided on blogging. I was already pretty active on social media, but I wanted to go more in-depth and reach a bigger audience. I threw myself into it as soon as I had the idea and it’s been fun, rewarding, difficult, and frustrating. Everything your passion and hobby should be. But what if a blog isn’t for you? What else can you do with this newfound purpose and passion?

Sell your passion. Are you crafty? Do you like to bake? Start an online store and don’t be ashamed to promote the hell out of it because you deserve it and your crafts or baked goods are worth it.
Go back to work. There is something to be said for finishing a task, for feeling accomplished outside of the home, for someone ELSE telling you ‘good job.’ If you need or want that, don’t be afraid to go for it!
Go back to school. Either for a degree or just taking classes on something you are really interested in. Community Education and Community Colleges offer affordable classes in subjects that you can take into the real world. Sometimes moms want to think more about things other than the best way to clean the grout.
Network. So you’ve found your purpose and passion but have no idea what to do with it. ASK PEOPLE. Ask online, message people online who are doing what you want to be doing. You would be surprised at how generous people are with their time and knowledge if you just ask.