To The Mama’s of The Special Ones

Dear Special Needs Mama as they go back to school,

Your kids might be going back to school, or maybe they never left. Most kids get summer breaks but there are some who don’t. The kids who need the structure a school day offers. The kids who need extra time to learn social skills as well as focus on their academics. You never got a break from packing lunches or the opportunity to have an adventure on a summer vacation. You just looked at the pictures of other families on road trips or at Disney World, while you kept up with homework and communication journals. Your family doesn’t get a cute back-to-school picture because you never left. It’s just Thursday to you, and I see you working so hard, Mama.

I see you.

You see the parents waving goodbye to their kids at the bus stop but you’re carrying a crying 60-pound kid into the building because transitions are hard. Every day you drop him off and tell yourself you’re doing the right thing. You watch the kids in the hallway lining up like they’re told to, and you feel a mix of jealousy. You also feel guilty as you think, why is everything so hard for us? Why can’t just one thing be easy?

You’re the mom that instead of checking for homework, you check to make sure they have all smiley faces on their chart. There might be a little note next to one that says something like ‘had a hard time in circle time today’ and your heart sinks a little. But there are times too when you read, ‘he played catch with another student at recess’ and all of those hard mornings seem to be worth it. That one sentence can bolster your whole mood. It turns your day around and gives you the energy and hopefulness you need to do it again tomorrow.

I see you.

Special needs mama’s celebrate smaller victories. A smiley face, a completed piece of artwork, and a video sent home simply showing your child with the group. Make no mistake though, they ARE victories. The special ones are working so, so hard, mama. Not only do they have to put effort into this new school work with new people, learning new skills. They are also working so hard to get used to the sounds, the routine, and the extraordinary stamina that it takes. They are working harder than any of us and they’re doing so well.

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You are doing good too. The world already feels heavy and now with your special one in school, your little world feels heavier still. You check the charts, you communicate with the teachers, you do everything you can to help your child succeed. I see you staying up at night after everyone else is sleeping, thinking about what helped that morning to get out the door, or what tripped them up. You are constantly strategizing, coming up with new plans, and hoping and praying. Every day gets a little better.

I see you.