We’re going to talk about managing our family vacation expectations. We recently returned from a 10-day vacation with our three children. Admittedly it was about 3 days too long. It sounded a lot better in the planning stages. So did all the switching of airplanes and other transportation. 2 flights and then a tram to get to the main terminal? Then a shuttle, a long walk, and we’re there? Sounds great and easy and cost-efficient! Easy peasy!
I found myself getting upset with my children when they were upset. I wanted them to be joyful and grateful. Didn’t they know how much work this all was? (Well, no they truly don’t) We’re in the happiest place on earth. Be freaking happy! (If I had a dollar for every meltdown I witnessed, we could have ended up with much cooler souvenirs.) It’s not fun to be bitter or resentful so I had to figure out a way to manage my vacation expectations so that the rest of the trip went a lot smoother.
You Are Still The Same Family on vacation
You are the same family. You are still parenting the same kids. The same kid who hates transitions at home is suddenly not going to be ok with taking a plane, then a shuttle, and then a long walk to finally get to the hotel room. The same kid that you have to make a different meal for at home isn’t suddenly going to try new foods at the restaurant and just be completely understanding it’s not the same brand of mac and cheese that you have at home. The same goes for if you have a kiddo who needs a lot of structure or a kiddo who wakes up at the crack of dawn. He’s not sleeping in today just because you stayed up late watching fireworks the night before. Same Family. Same kids.
Just like your kids maintained their quirks on vacation, don’t forget you do too. Perhaps a vacation centered around amusement parks and rides were not ideal for the mom who is deathly afraid of heights and gets motion sickness on a rocking chair. I did not magically turn into a daredevil or even the “fun” mom. I was STILL white-knuckling it through rides and volunteering to hold the bags while they went without me. What was I thinking? I am still the same parent.
Feelings Can Coexist
This was a huge realization for me, not just in vacation mode, but in life as well. Oprah calls them “aha” moments. I was getting upset with my kids when they were upset. If they complained about something, I thought they were being ungrateful. If they didn’t like something, I would immediately start thinking this whole trip was a waste of time and money. I wanted them to be happy the entire time. If they weren’t smiling and laughing and committing this all to their permanent memory, I was agitated.
You know what though? This is where I had my “aha” moment. You can be angry AND grateful. You can be frustrated AND happy. The two opposing feelings can co-exist. Aren’t we all more than one feeling all the time? Today was my kid’s first day of school and I am simultaneously excited, nervous, AND sad.
Once I had the realization that these feelings can coexist, I settled down. Just because they are HOT (Florida in August, ya’ll) and that’s making them FRUSTRATED, does not mean they are also not GRATEFUL and having a good time.
This is your vacation too
I like to say that family vacations aren’t really “vacations” they’re just trips. Of course, we can’t bring our book to the pool and check out for the afternoon as you might want on an adults-only getaway. That doesn’t mean you can’t do ANYTHING you want to do. I made my kids do some activities that I was looking forward to. If it had been solely up to them, they would have skipped them. If you only do what your kids or partner wants to do the whole trip, you will end up resentful and angry.
We did a lot of things my family wanted to do: remember we were at the amusement park capital of the world and I’d rather keep both my feet planted firmly on the ground at all times, thankyouverymuch. So when I saw something that I thought looked fun, we went for it. Everyone had their own time when the activity was really all about them.
Set your bar low
I don’t expect too much. If we can have a day (ok, maybe afternoon or activity or bus ride) without crying or whining, that is a tremendous victory in my book.
For more tips, tricks, and advice on traveling with children check out these other blogs I wrote!
The Ultimate Guide to Traveling with Kids
I Travelled Internationally With My Family during a Pandemic
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