Special Needs Mamas: You were chosen

Special needs mamas are chosen. Deep down I always knew I would have a child with special needs. When we got Peyton’s diagnosis, and even before that, when we knew there was something but that something didn’t yet have a name, I was never shocked or angry. In my life, before I was a mom, I had worked with kids with severe physical and cognitive disabilities as a special ed para and at a group home. I had a unique perspective because of that. Things like seizures, g-tube feedings, and changing the brief of someone almost my size, didn’t phase me. I felt like, I’d rather have it be me with a special needs child than someone who will be horrified and scared. I felt as prepared as I could have.

I wasn’t randomly picked to be his mom. I was chosen.

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Being chosen for the special ones

There is competition in the special needs community like you see in other communities where hard work and grief are the cornerstones. I have it the worst. Yeah, your situation is hard, but I’m suffering more.

I was in a group once where infant loss came up and the belief was expressed that a stillborn child or miscarriage is somehow less traumatic than a child dying. I don’t have any experience with that but I can certainly empathize and say a loss is a loss, and you’re entitled to grief no matter if you were a mom for 20 weeks or 20 years. Motherhood is filled with all kinds of competitions and the special needs community is no different. I felt for a long time that I can’t claim the title of a special needs mom. My child can walk, and he can talk now, and he’s doing really well in school. There are many kids who need a nurse to go to school with them, parents are juggling 24-hour care, and they have to fight their state for basic funding. I would never dream of comparing hardships. I don’t know what it’s like to be you but I do know that you were also chosen.

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Dear special needs mamas: You were also chosen

We’re not being punished when our kiddo takes 20 minutes to enter a store because transitions are hard. You are perfectly equipped to be his mama because you have the patience to look at the leaves while he inches his way towards the door.

Previously in your life, your laid-back type B personality has been a deterrent but not here. You constantly have to try new things, abandon ways of doing things, and ask for help. A strict routine and the belief that only you know best would only hurt you. It’s not WHY ME It’s, OF COURSE, IT’S ME.

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