How to Keep your motivation as a stay at home mom

It can be incredibly discouraging to feel so accomplished one minute that the kitchen is sparkling, but then walk into the living room and it’s like a bomb went off. You left these kids in here for 45 minutes, how did this happen?! Or, my personal favorite, have you ever cleaned the kitchen, and then made lunch and did a craft, and now you have to clean it again top to bottom? How did stickers get on my cabinets?! That’s super fun. Let’s talk about how exactly we keep motivation as a stay at home mom.

It can be a little like Groundhog Day, right? (Younger mom’s Google it.)

• Feed the kids some nutritious food they don’t eat.
• Give in and get them a snack because hey, at least they’re eating.
• Attempt to do a craft because “that’s what good mom’s do” and “I saw it on Pinterest and it looked really easy” but it’s more paper on the floor and missing marker tops than enriching bonding time.
• Clean the kitchen.
• Clean the living room.
• Laundry.
• Clean the kitchen.
• Clean the living room.

I see the pattern, and I see you struggling. It’s hard to feel like you’re accomplishing anything when at the end of the day, you’re exhausted, covered in glue and snot, the house is still a mess, your kid is crying because his water isn’t in the blue cup, and your kid STILL won’t eat their dinner.

Find your why

Why do you stay at home with your kids? Is it to spend more time with them? Then focus on what matters to you. Spending the time doing a craft, if you hate crafts, is only going to make you resent this time. Go for a walk instead or play a game. Maybe crafts are just something your toddler does at preschool or ECFE classes, or with Grandma. That’s ok!

Maybe staying home wasn’t your first choice, but the cost of daycare is a crime, so it was what is best for your family. That can be enough of a “why.” You are doing something so important for your family-saving a shit ton of money and making it the best of a situation that wasn’t your plan A.

Whatever your “why” is, no matter what it is, focusing on that and centering your day and outlook around it, will be the key to motivation and overall happiness with your decision.

Make a To-Do List

This was a serious game-changer for me, and it’s so simple. I kick myself for not thinking of it sooner. I was getting so frustrated with myself and feeling so down about my perceived lack of success. In my phone apps, (I use just a really simple app called Out of Milk but there are far more complicated and cooler ones if you want) I write down a list, maybe 4 or 5 things. It might look like this:

1. Clean kitchen.
2. Make well-child appointments.
3. Call the dentist about a billing question.
4. Tessa’s laundry.
5. Walk dogs.

And then at the end of the day, I can physically SEE the items crossed out, and just having that visual is so powerful. Especially when your to-do list, like mine often is, is full of things that don’t give you visual results. I need to call the dentist about that billing question and make those appointments, but it’s not like then I get a tangible reward, as you do with say a clean kitchen or folded laundry. Marking it off a list and then looking at it at the end of the day is like “hell yeah, I got a lot done today. I think I will watch an episode of Vampire Diaries because I deserve it.” Also, I just clean the kitchen once. It will get messy again later, but it’s already checked off the list so I’m done for the day.

To be perfectly honest, sometimes I put “Play with kids” on my to-do list because then it feels like I’m not just “wasting” that time, as it sometimes can when you have so much to do.

Let go of expectations

You know this whole blog and my whole message is to let go of your Pinterest aspirations. Don’t waste 15 minutes making those fruit kebobs for those ungrateful little monsters. They probably won’t even notice their pancakes are in the shape of a bear. It’s just going to make you bitter and we don’t want to start the day like that. Just toss those Eggos in the toaster and you’re good to go. Bonus points if they’re the ones with little blueberries in it. Fruit with breakfast! You are killing it!

I don’t even call it “serving my kids lunch” or cooking for them, etc, I just call it “presenting them with food” and I take all of my expectations out of it.

This goes for outings and activities too. Lower your expectations. I’m not saying you shouldn’t ever have fun or ever expect your kids to be assholes, but I’m saying my expectations are low so I set us all up for success. I used to think that just because they were excited to go someplace, that that excitement was going to follow us through the day. But, sometimes they’re more excited about the IDEA of something than they are of the actual activity. We’ve had plenty of meltdowns at places that they BEGGED us to go for months and then I’M mad and flustered. So, I go in with little expectation, and sometimes the best and most fun outings are the ones that were totally impromptu, or that I thought they were going to be “meh” about. And then I’m pleasantly surprised.

Give yourself Grace

Sometimes you’re going to wish you had more adult interaction and that “potty” wasn’t in your everyday vernacular. That’s ok and does not make you a bad stay at home mom.

Sometimes you’re going to be tired of your kids. That’s ok and does not make you a bad stay at home mom either.

Sometimes you’re going to lose your shit. Ok, maybe a lot. That doesn’t make you a bad mom either.

If you like this post, I wrote another post about Modern Self Care, and I think it’s really important. You can check it out here.