Have you ever had a time when you see kids acting like complete maniacs and you think, “Who is raising these fucking kids?” but they’re YOUR kids, and YOU are raising them? Solidarity, because me too. Here are some of the reasons WHY I LOVE MY KIDS BUT DON’T ALWAYS LIKE THEM.
Here’s the day I had a least favorite kid. Fun fact: Magic Eraser does take actually permanent marker off the wall. It also takes off the paint too. So, while there’s no more sharpie on the wall, it definitely looks like there used to be and you used a Magic Eraser to get it off.
I blame Pinterest for a lot of our photo fails. Pinterest assured me that matching Christmas pajamas in front of a festive Christmas tree was going to be adorable. Pinterest also told me that this could be a yearly tradition-one we would cherish forever! It only proved to me that my kids are uncooperative and don’t give a shit about what I want.
Again, proving they do not give a shit about what I want. Me: Ohhh look, what a cute place for a picture! My kids: …
That’s it. No more sharpies, or markers, or writing utensils of any kind in this house. We can’t handle it.
Every fall we spend $100 to go through a corn maze, climb on hay bales and tractors, and cry.
This was several years ago but it was so ridiculous that I remember exactly why I took a picture of it. He asked for a drink in a cup. I brought him a drink in a cup. He threw it and started this meltdown. Was it the wrong cup? The wrong drink? It remains a mystery to this day because toddlers are fun.
YOU GUYS. This could have been a sitcom episode where the hillbilly family go to an art museum and don’t know how to behave so hilarity ensues. I had the bright idea to take the kids to an art museum. Why? Did I just meet these kids? It’s a place where there are thousand-year-old artifacts. You can’t yell or run or touch anything. What could go wrong?
Well let’s see, it started off with a museum employee telling me I can’t bring my Starbucks in to look at all these priceless paintings. Turns out I’m just as ignorant and embarrassing as my children. Tristan (6) liked to LOUDLY point out all the genitals on every statue and Peyton (4) loved to yell ECHO. Tessa (8) was so bored and embarrassed by us she constantly yelled at her brothers making the scene even louder and more of a distraction. At least it was free, right?
That time he was so angry he couldn’t be the ACTUAL Skee ball and we had to leave the arcade.
Ignorance is bliss. I am never looking behind any piece of furniture or under any cushions. Kids are gross.
Holidays: The one day a year your kids wear clothes with buttons. And cry.
The time we had to do a 3-way time out. Have kids close in age so they play together, they said. They’ll be best friends, they said.
Have you ever been on one of these? It’s so hard to stand up AT ALL, let alone to stand up, stay still, and pout with your arms crossed. I wasn’t even upset that he decided to complain and have a fit on a lake in the summer on a beautiful day. His balance and coordination, and the sheer stubbornness and dedication it would have taken for this are actually really impressive.
We would love to hear about a time where you loved your kids but didn’t like them. Follow me on Instagram HERE and check out the related blog post: HILARIOUS PARENTING TWEETS
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